Travelogue China - Part I

I got invited for a private executive lunch for select ‘important’ people by the CEO of a big company. Tathastu.

But then I shuddered at the lunch. We were escorted to the second floor of Loong Palace Resort where a special lunching area was being prepared. The entrance had huge aquariums with all marine life swimming. With my experience in Hong Kong I was wiser this time to understand their purpose. I entered gingerly. Our company’s leader was assigning places. I waited for my assignment to be delivered, wishing I get to sit next to my senior Indian colleague. “You sit there” came the verdict and I was sandwiched between two client guys but worst of worst straight facing the CEO who arrived like a Mughal emperor in the heydays of the seventeenth century. Just how powerful and influential this man is in China can be imagined by the fact that when German chancellor Angela Merkel visited China, he was one of the member of the delegation to be invited to meet her. More on him later. All chitter chatter stopped immediately and we sat still waiting for his highness to begin the proceedings. However before the story proceeds, I must mention here the table and Chinese custom of eating. There is generally a round table with a movable circular glass of smaller diameter in the centre. The dishes are places equidistant on this moving platform. As it rotates you pick up your stuff with the chopsticks and put it on a small plate. I discovered after my recent dining experiences that one needs to eat from this small plate and not put the food on the larger plate which is given to hold the small plate. Not so elementary, my dear friend!

The guy on my left, who was a very senior guy, almost jumped with his conversation as if he had been dreaming of this once in a lifetime opportunity of sitting beside me. He began asking me my opinions on the Jaguar Land Rover acquisition done by Tata Motors. I gave him a high steroid dose of unadulterated gyaan sprinkled with confidence which would make even Ratan Tata frown. However, he turned out to be a nice chap, English speaking thankfully. I explained to him why Indians do not eat beef and he said no problem and very willingly pointed to the beef plate on the rotating disc which I should avoid. So I ate or rather tasted most of the other creatures which looked agreeable. I did not want to be embarrassed and asked question why do u not eating? So first serving was the sea cucumber soup. Gosh! Never in my living life would I have even read it in the menu card of any restaurant. My very first hesitant sip and some while resin like jelly stuck to my mouth which by desi instinct I tried to pull away with my bare hand. The young Chinese to my right (we exchanged cards and he turned out to be director of Latin American operations) saw this and offered the towel. I was a bit ashamed of my lack of punctuality and decided to either avoid that white jelly or gulp it down if it unabashedly slipped in my soup spoon.

So over the next hour, down in my stomach went some pieces of roast duck, chicken & pork. The chicken.. ohh shit. No wait, it was delicious and I enjoyed it but on my third helping I suddenly saw something in the plate which did not quite blend with the same color, texture of other chicken pieces. On closer examination, I figured it was the chicken’s head with its crown, lips & shut eyes. Fuck. Awful. I stared at it for a moment maybe feeling a bit sorry. Only for a moment. Eat. Was the command in the head. One look up front made me realize my discomfit position and I hastily sorted the pieces and chose the most non-controversial looking anatomical part.

But many more animals passed by me which I could not muster courage to put in my mouth for one reason or the other. These are mentioned as below
a. Alaskan King Crab claws – I don’t mind crabs.. but too much of a hassle negotiating the calciferous undulations searching for that prized morsel of flesh. The variety is further suggestive of the much larger challenge in this case!
b. Shrimps – I like these but these guys bloody cook the entire shrimp along with its eyes. I am a non vegetarian not a carnivore. Also since I would have probably eaten only the soft flesh inside, I did not want to try the adventure of hacking off its shell either by hand or teeth or otherwise. Least of all chopsticks!
c. A huge fish which still looked like a fish and had some yucky paste or gawd-knows-what-was-that sautéed over it. Again I have still not become a carnivore and prefer the meat in an unrecognizable state. Fair expectation, isn’t it?
d. Oysters (my guess) – Well I wanted to taste that but really needed some guidance what, how to eat. This was certainly not the occasion to experiment.

What happened next was my greatest fear. I only thanked god it wasn’t dinner time. The staff brought red wine, some marquee brand. Me and my colleague at the farther end of the table quietly sign languaged the waitress ‘I don’t want’. She obliged by pouring in coke. Then came the cheers moment. Our man of honor raised his glass to everyone’s cheer and commented (in Chinese, there was a translator) – Why aren’t the Indians drinking wine, with so much globalization what stops them from adopting this social culture. Bomb. I had a feeling this thing would come. Since the translator directed the question towards my senior colleague he tackled it. There was no rebound to me. Phew!

This was one memorable experience. There are situations in life when no is not an option. One must evolve to prepare for such exigencies. I am still learning.