Please lizzen to my sexplanation

Of all news items, there is one genre which seems to have a recurrent ability for getting maximum share of voice. This is the genre of scandals. Now among all scandalous gossip on media, scandals of the lecherous kind get me disgustingly amused. I am peevingly amused to know the depravity, immorality of men and their actions. And when such episodes have a baba or swami or godman as the protagonist then it really gets the cake. Swami Nityananada Paramhansa gets the cake and the cherry too. Why the cherry? If I borrow Captain Kirk's sentence, 'The swami has gone where no sex guru has gone before'. The guy got volunteers to sign sex contracts clearly stating him inculpable in event of a lawsuit! What a guy. Innovation in debauchery of hitherto unparalled level. Reproduced below are some clauses taken verbatim from a Non Disclosure Agreement classified confidential which female devotees were obliged to sign.

Volunteer understands that the program may involve the learning and practise of ancient tantric secrets associated with male and female ecstasy including use of sexual energy for increased intimacy/spiritual connection, pleasure, harmony and freedom. Volunteer understands that these activities could be physically and mentally challenging and may involve nudity, assess to visual images, graphic visual depictions and descriptions of nudity and sexual activity, close physical proximity and intimacy, verbal and written descriptions and audio sounds of a sexually oriented and erotic nature, etc.

By reading and signing this addendum, volunteer irrevocably acknowledges that he/she is voluntarily giving his unconditional acceptance of such activities and discharges the Leader and Foundation and anyone else not specifically mentioned here but directly or indirectly involved in the organization, management or conduct of any such programs from any liability, direct or indirect, arising from such activities.

So when he will step up to his defense in front of the jury wearing his saffron robes, glistening teeth and rockstar hairstyle, the speech will go like thus

Aanrable Jury myembers, aai or maai yeny organization is naat invalved with yennny seggs scyandull. Please lizzen to my sexplanation. My female valunteeyurs have signed a legal contract vaaluntarily. Many rizpected veemen from aaal wax of life gaat themselves yenrolled. They gaat healed due to my tantric seggsual powers.

Strawberry cheesecake with a ripe plum cherry please.