Rahu Ketu

I recently performed an elaborate ceremony. Regular readers might just find their thoughts drifting towards connubial merrymaking, but sorry to disappoint the ceremony was to appease the 9 planets in the solar system and in particular the two miscreant fictional planets of Rahu and Ketu. It was a elaborate yagnya with fire puking obnoxious fumes which burnt my eyes sore

I am now thoroughly convinced about my ability to be universally acknowledged as a classic case study among astrologers. With whatever I have gleaned, I am astrologically fucked. Different interpretations have emerged and by the time this post goes for publishing, the list of my astrological maladies would have covered the entire spectrum. I am a strong Manglik (double Mangal effect ha ha!), then I have Kaal Sarp Jog, then the two critical fictional planets Rahu and Ketu are just perfectly misaligned, then I have what is called Saade Saati (evil dosh which lasts for seven years), then most of the planets are gleefully running amok in space casting their darkest, deepest, coldest shadows on my well being. Wow.

Now some more details about the aforementioned elaborate ceremony. I was expecting a small low key affair with some Sanskrit verses being mumbled and some innocuous throwing of fuel to the fire. Had the happening been concurrent with the expectation, this post would never have been written. The first jolt came when not one, not two but four priests descending on our house and cleared the entire living room. This made me sense the magnitude of the problem. The holy men ordered 8 bricks to be arranged and some sand for the kiln's bed. Very soon I was singing "smoke on the water, fire in the sky". In the end the experience was thoroughly lachrymose. It lasted for 3 hours.